i’ve learned that if i write in run on sentences i can out-pace the interruptions.

As long as i am writing, there is a single stream of thought that may include things that are not needed to be included because i have to keep writing or there are too many ideas which makes me wonder if there is ever really a single stream of thought or if there is only the capacity to write down one word at a time in the way that i can only speak one word at a time of less of course you do that thing where you combine two words into one to make one word bending (for me) the English language to do what i want and i can of course, i suppose also write these words that i have created in my head so that technically i am writing two words at a time and now i’m wondering if you combined many words into a single stream like a run on sentence but more of a run on word like a word like supercalifragilisticexpialidocious which is not a word that i had heard for oh at least few decades and yet as i began to write it and i got worried if i might not remember how to spell it, there the word was, stored in my memory to the tune of a song and i was able to write it out and was that Mary Poppins? That word? And maybe it was and i wish i had a better memory of Poppins so that i could critique her role in the hetero-patriarchy and do my part as an activist but i can’t, i just remember the word and the techni-colour and the umbrella and the British accents and her floating away into the blue sky and me wondering what the difference between Mary Poppins and a witch was and at that age thinking it was the object they chose and then at that age wondering why broomsticks were so bad because you could sit on them and go faster, or that’s what it looked like because Mary Poppins just kind of floated and she also talked about medicine, with songs and sugar as if hard work and bearing what we don’t like is somehow what matters but i never really understood how i could eat a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down when you had to take the medicine first and so the sugar was late on the scene, only chasing after the gross medicine that you don’t want to take, taking away the gross, lingering bitterness that doesn’t help the medicine go down it only maybe helps stop it from coming back up and this is where i found myself wishing about how nice it would be if someone could just wave a wand and make me not sick but wands are the tools of a magician and we all know that magicians play tricks, they don’t cast spells like a witch can, they just make it seem like they’re doing one thing but really what is going on is something else and so a magician might just distract me while i slowly get worse and they get applause and i’ve never heard of a magician hunt and what i think i really need is a witch who will stir me warm soup in their big black pot and serve it to me with advice that rhymes and even if it costs me something, nothing in this world is free and since the magician only plays tricks and Mary Poppins lies about the sugar helping the medicine (because how can you help the medicine if you come on the scene after the medicine is gone) i think what i need is a witch and her broom so that i can clean up this damn mess that is always here and i never know what to do with and did Mary Poppins make toys go in the bin by looking at them? or was that Matilda who could control things with her mind? and i remember getting so frustrated that i could not move something with my mind like Matilda that i got angry about how unfair it was and how i am not sure what i’m even going on about anymore and any hopes i had to make this make sense or come back to where i started, to close the loop that for some reason i believe needs closing is beginning to dissolve into nothingness and i’m getting tired but realize that i can do something with my mind and that is to move the pen on this page and make words appear like magic or a spell or some kind of resistance that i don’t know what it is yet but maybe is only there because the word resistance emerged when I was trying to create a list of the things i was doing by moving this pen on the page and now i am wondering if this writing is an act of procrastination or maybe it’s mysterious and the attempt to master the craft of writing makes me nothing more than a witch with a handheld broomstick making my mark.