So the principles of or the reasoning behind the #metoo movement do not confuse me. In fact, it makes a lot of sense. Pioneered by Tarana Burke, the movement was intended to raise awareness about the prevalence of sexual assault and exploitation of African-American children and youth among the public. I agree with Tarana in her statements about how the movement has become far removed from it’s origins. In fact, it often feels like a (binary) gender war fueled by accusations and blame rather than a movement to end sexualized violence.

In blame-rich, accusation filled environment, what is at risk of being forgotten (if we are not there already) is that people, a lot of people, have been and will continue to be victims of sexualized violence. Getting caught up in arguments in online platforms that focus on anything but solutions are more likely halting progress rather than supporting it. Regardless of the gender or sex of the person who was victimized through sexualized or gender-based violence.

A note on terminology. For the remainder of this post, I will use the term sexualized violence to refer to any act of violence that is sexual in nature (e.g., from rape to unwanted sexual innuendos) and gender-based violence to refer to acts of sexualized violence that originate from discriminatory beliefs about a given gender identity.

I have two preliminary positions on the #metoo movement. Preliminary because I’m always learning and things are changing but it is somewhere to start. First, the fact that people feel empowered to identify, disclose and demand action to change the prevalence of sexualized and gender-based violence in society is powerful. There is a smell of resistance in the air that is alluring and energizing. Well, I guess depending on what side of the movement you’re standing on.

What started as a movement to honour, respect, listen to and support black youth who were subjected to sexualized violence, regardless of gender, has morphed into a he said/she said, all gloves are off, ‘you’re not perfect either’ battle of the (binary) sexes.

This brings me to my second point, one that I will apologize for using gender binary language to make. While it is no excuse but my own limitation, I use this language because mainstream data sources unfortunately, largely adhere to a binary structure of data collection. As a white woman, I simultaneously feel shame and confidence when relying on these statistics. Confident because I know that I can rely on these statistics and data to speak to my experience but shame because I also hold the knowledge that people whose identities do not align with mine may be, as a result, excluded. This situation of mine is an example of the role of intersectionality in describing privilege. While, as a young white woman, I am at an increased risk for being subjected to sexualized and gender-based violence, this risk is more likely to be documented (and arguably, legitimized) and is still a lower level of risk than disabled women who, for example, are three times more likely to be sexually assaulted.

And so now, I come back to my earlier comment where, depending on what side of the movement you are “on”, the #metoo movement will mean different things. First, I do not support side-taking, or teaming up or oppositions or whatever you want to call it. I do support unified efforts at first acknowledging the problematic prevalence of sexualized and gender-based violence and then, collaborative, trauma-informed efforts at establishing solutions. I am not suggesting that we ignore the gendered nature of sexualized violence. That would not be helpful in working towards acknowledging the problem. Let me explain.

In Canada, women are 20% more likely to be victims of sexual assault than a man. One woman is killed every 6 days by their male partner and 99% of the time, men are the accused perpetrator of sexual assault. This does not mean that there is no such thing as a man who has been sexually assaulted. It simply means that men are more likely to be perpetrators and women are more likely to be victims. Without wholeheartedly acknowledging these statistics as a starting point for further investigation into the how and why, it is difficult, if not impossible to work towards identifying what actions need to be taken to decrease the number of people vicitimized by sexualized and gender-based violence.

I do not believe that Canada’s criminal justice system is equipped to or is even the right way to deal with sexualized and gender-based violence. The process is slow, there is a lack of understanding about the real impacts of trauma, and the legal requirements regarding the ‘burden of proof‘, means that for a crime like sexual assault or gender-based violence, where there is often no tangible evidence, the ability to meet this burden of proof is extremely difficult. Even more so when so many cases are mishandled by authorities responsible for collecting and storing evidence. Essentially, the structure of Canada’s criminal justice system has a burden of proof that is there to ensure an innocent person is not wrongfully being locked up. The issue is that crimes such as sexual harassment, assault, rape, etcetera often do not leave evidence that can contribute to determining that the burden of proof has been met and so the case is deemed unfounded or is basically dropped. The victim is left without any recourse, re-traumatized or legitimacy to their experience of extreme violation.

In the midst of this #metoo battle, those who are suffering are forgotten or erased. Whether through statistics or mainstream narratives that this movement is no more than a “witchhunt” where women are, for no reason at all, targeting powerful white men. Both of these outcomes reduce the visibility of marginalized groups while also redirecting the focus to those who have been accused, mostly powerful, white men. And so, ‘sides’ of the #metoo movement are established, the back and forth becomes empty and defensive with the experiences of the victim/survivors being obscured or erased and pushing ‘real change’ to the bottom of the to do list.

Sometimes I wonder if the perpetrators were not facing criminal charges, jail time or irreparable reputational damage, would there be more justice for victims? What is wrong with someone being held accountable, paying their dues and then being allowed to resume their lives in a new way? Rich and powerful perpetrators should be forced to fund non-profits or gender-based violence research as their community service. Maybe they have a salary cap for 10-20 years and have to donate a certain percentage of their assets to causes or individuals in need. I’m suggesting these things because honestly, that is what I would like to see. A bargaining for what they have to give up to repay what they have taken from others. Doing ‘hard time’ costs public dollars, rarely leads to real rehabilitation or learning, does little to repair relationships and lets get real, people with money do not usually go to prison anyway.

Regardless, as the movement stands right now, the violence continues, especially for those who are not privileged enough to share the spotlight where white celebrities occupy the bulk of the space.

I consider misogynist beliefs to be parasitic. They leech on and fester in the mind, clouding a person’s view of another human being’s humanity. These beliefs reach wide in a patriarchal Western Society Any male who does subscribe to misogynistic beliefs or fit the mold of what a perfect ‘masculine’ man is labelled as inadequate or labelled as part of an ‘out-group’. They are more likely to be subjected to bullying or not offered opportunities to advance in their career. In short, it is not just women who lose when misogyny is present.

People who strive to achieve an idealized misogynistic perfection often alienate (e.g., by bullying or not affiliating with) large groups of people, spreading violence and ultimately denying themselves experiences of authentic human connection. Framing certain ways of being as less than (e.g., emotions are for pussies) also means that those who subscribe to misogyny, deny themselves the opportunity to fully explore their own thoughts, feelings and emotions. The result is a lack of everyday presence and increased ignorance to the impacts of their actions on themselves and others. I do not believe that a person can walk around with anger and hatred and also be healthy. No one wins with misogyny. It is a parasite.

So, my confusion does not stem from the philosophy, the purpose or the brilliance of the #metoo movement. Rather, it stems from the avalanche that is picking up speed, causing those in it’s way to hang on for dear life, flee frantically in the other direction, or be crushed to death by it’s sheer force. None of these outcomes result in real solutions and a more peaceful and respectful existence.

Until next time.